S3E9: Let’s talk about embarrassment
Full transcript:
Good morning, happy Thursday, and welcome to the Language Confidence Project, the only daily podcast to share tips, tricks and encouragement for language learners who want to carve their own path in their language learning.
And if you are finding that fear of embarrassing yourself is holding you back, this is the episode for you.
The thing with perfectionists, and overachievers in general is that we are often incredibly sensitive to embarrassment. Because an embarrassing situation is one in which 1) we made a mistake 2) probably publicly, and 3) in a way that could lead other people to judge us or change their opinion of us, and that combined feels like one of the worst things that could possibly befall us.
When I started out talking to adults about the things they found difficult in language learning, and especially in speaking, I fully expected people to say things like “I feel self conscious making all these new sounds” or “I’m worried about corrections” “I don’t want people to get frustrated with me” and even things like “I just don’t know what to say”. But one of the reasons that surprised me in just how common it was, was “I watched this video and in my language this really common word sounds really similar to this really offensive word and I just can’t risk that“ or “well, if you say this word in this country it means one thing, but if you say it in these countries which speak the same language it means something awful and I can never remember which ones are which.” Paraphrased, “It’s better not to talk at all than to risk saying something sexually explicit/ offensive/ rude / in some other way embarrassing”.
So today, if this is you, I just want to come in and reassure you that it’s not going to happen anywhere near as often as you are probably thinking it will. And when it does, in all likelihood, it won’t be anywhere near as shocking, offensive, or humiliating as you think it’s going to be. Sometimes, because people listen for meaning in a whole sentence and naturally sort of tune their ears to your accent, they won’t even register it, even if you do.
When you’ve just said something stupid, you might well feel like the only person on Earth who has every done something so humiliating. But I want you to know today that you’ll join approximately millions of other people who have made the same mistakes too, and are probably laughing about it right now. You are most certainly not the only person to have mixed up two very similar sounding words, and actually, the language learning community loves talking about this stuff.
So if you’re learning a language with a strict hierarchy, and you’re worried about accidentally using words or grammar structures that aren’t appropriate for elders, for example, you definitely might feel more comfortable taking your first steps talking to people of your own age. If you’re worried about country-to-country differences in vocabulary, it might feel less intimidating to stick to one country at first. And by all means practise some of those similar sounding words, if you really think it’s likely to be a problem. For most commonly studied languages there is a lot of content out there to help you do that.
But whatever you do, do not let the fear of that one mistake stop you speaking in your new language. Do not shy away from making those friendships, from having those conversations, and from being you in your new language. It is just too much of a trade-off.
And before I go, just a reminder that I’ve just started my 100 Conversations project, where I would love to speak to 100 listeners of the Language Confidence Project, to meet you, to hear about how your language journey is going, and to find out what carving your own path means to you. It’s a really informal 30 minute Skype chat over tea or coffee or whatever beverage you should like to bring, it’s completely free, nobody’s going to try and sell you anything, and the hope is that we can chat about the hard bits of learning a language but also to celebrate your wins. If you would like to book a call, I have a calendly link in the shownotes, and it’s also in my Instagram bio at @teawithemily. I can’t wait to hear from you!
You can do this, language learners. Just keep going, keep taking those small steps and it will be worth it in the end. Have a wonderful day, and I will see you back here at 7am UK time tomorrow.