S4E29: Interrupt the ‘should’s

Full transcript:

Good morning, happy Thursday and welcome to the Language Confidence Project, the only daily podcast to get unstuck us in our language learning and enjoy the process just a little bit more. And today, if you’re feeling behind or like you aren’t where you’re supposed to be in your language, this is the episode for you.

Now I have a confession, language learners, and any of you who know my story won’t be especially surprised to hear it. But I almost always feel lost. And I almost always feel behind.

And it’s an exhausting place to be.  

So, one of my topics for themed journaling this week has been “how do I reconcile where I am versus where I think I should be”?

How do you sit with the thoughts that say

I shouldn’t be doing this,

I shouldn’t have to be doing this

I should be further along by now

I should have more clarity by now

And so, I started by writing out a list of all the should and should not thoughts in the narrative of my life at the moment. And I imagined, starting out, that I’d fill pages and pages. But guess what, language learners. I wrote 16. That’s it, 16. It felt like so many more than that my head because the same thoughts come round so often, in so many different disguises, that often I just don’t recognise that I’m seeing the same ones over and over again.

But then, seeing them all written down in a list like that, something else jumped out at me that I really wanted to share with you today.

Every single one of them looks so temporary.

And then I noticed another thing.  

Every single one of them was something that I actively work towards every single day. Okay, things haven’t fallen into place just yet. But they’re all things that I’m working on.

And that, right there, language learners, is how to shut down those thoughts.

So here’s a journaling exercise that I’d like to invite you to join me in today. Make a list of all the “should” and “shouldn’t still be”s that you can think of. It might for one particular aspect of your language learning, like speaking confidence or grammatical accuracy. It might be your whole language learning experience, or you could cast your net even wider and make it about your whole life.

And then look carefully at your list.  

Which ones are things that you’re actively working on right now? I bet there will definitely be some. So next to every one that this applies to, write in big theatrical letters, I’m working on it.

I shouldn’t still be making these mistakes. I’m working on it.

I should be further ahead than this. I’m working on it.

Now, let’s look at the things on your list where, when you’re being honest with yourself, you can’t write “I’m working on it.” Because if you are not actively working towards this thing, and yet it keeps springing into your mind and making you feel anxious or guilty, that’s where things get a bit interesting. Is that voice trying to tell you something?

Is it trying to tell you that your priorities are actually not aligned with your goals? If that’s the case, do you need to look at what you’re working towards every day and tweak it?

Or is the voice just echoing what other people are doing, and trying to make you feel guilty? If you have a specific goal, let’s say, literary translation in French, and all your time and energy is going into that, heavy writing focus, heavy 16th century lexicon focus, you’re living and breathing the Renaissance, and your brain is sending all the shoulds in the direction of modern day conversation, tell it. Tell it, “that’s not my priority right now.” Write, in the same big letters, NOT MY PRIORITY. Because it’s not, and more to the point, you don’t want it to be.

Whatever you do, language learners, don’t get lost in the shoulds. I know it’s easy to think that you should have started earlier or done more or done things differently. I know it’s easy to get caught up in imagining a parallel universe in which you just did it all right the first time. But that parallel universe is a complete illusion, and it can be very powerful in sending you off course. Don’t let it. You aren’t behind. You aren’t on the wrong track. You are putting the work in, and you are making progress. And it’ll all be worth it.

And if you like what I do, please support me! The Language Confidence project is growing and all sorts of exciting things are happening in the next few months, and I need your help to make all of this happen. There are so many ways that you could lend a hand right now. If you know someone who would benefit from listening to this podcast, send them a quick message with the episode attached. If you work in or know someone in a language school or a university language department, please suggest this podcast for both them and their students. If you can and you want to, support me on Patreon, because I have a Patreon now, and the link is in my bio! And finally, if you’re new around here or I haven’t met you yet, or come and talk to me! Leave a comment on today’s episode on a positit on Instagram, send me a DM, or even better, book a call as part of the 100 Conversations Project with me! The link to that is also in my Instagram bio at @teawithemily. I would love to hear from you.

Have a wonderful day, and I will see you tomorrow.