S4E44: Let go of the guilt

Full transcript:

Good morning, happy Thursday and welcome to the Language Confidence Project, the daily dose of language courage for people who love languages and those who really don’t, but have to learn one anyway. And before we start, this is just a quick heads up that tomorrow’s episode is the last one of season 4 of the Language Confidence Project, I’m taking a break over the summer, and season 5 will begin on 4th September.

And today, I just want to share some thoughts I’ve been working through about the relationship between doing our best, and guilt.

I know so many of us have been brought up with the idea that we should make all our work our best. I also know that for many of us, our journeys towards our goal are constantly tinged with the nagging feeling that we’re not doing enough, we’re not doing it properly, and we’re not doing it on time.

And, I think a lot of that guilt that we can feel comes from the idea that every day, we should be showing up in the best shape to learn our language, and every day, we need to do our best.

That whenever we set about doing anything, we should be trying to reach the idealised, best version in our heads. And the thing is, that message, while it can be so powerful for teaching us about having pride in our work, can mean that we expect the best in everything all time. Our idea of our best gets bigger and bigger. It then tangles around the belief that every day should be an improvement on the last, forming part of this perfect upward trajectory, even though we know that in things like language learning, performance really doesn’t work like that. Some days, we have bad language days where nothing just seems to come naturally at all. Sometimes, we make mistakes that we thought we’d stopped making months ago.

And it’s not even just about aiming for the impossible. In the pursuit of our best, we then go into overdrive policing our motivations, our efforts, and piling on expectations of how we do the thing, and how much help we should need, and how flawlessly we should arrive at our finished product. And then we’re telling ourselves off for losing motivation, or clockwatching, or struggling, or not making our notes neat enough and we wonder why we’re not enjoying the process any more.

And it’s not fair, language learners. Because this is hard, the journey is a complex one, and we are human.  

I know we’ve said it before, but your best really does look different every day. You can’t take that one amazing day that you had a while ago, that you still hold on to as the pinnacle of productivity, and hope to recreate it every day. 

And while we’re at it, it’s fine to be tired. It’s normal to have days where things come easier than others, and I want to remind you that we are all having them too.

Language learning is long, and it’s going to see the best of you and it’s going to see the worst of you and everything in between. But the fact is, you keep showing up, you keep giving what you can, and every step you take is getting you closer to your goals.

So let go of the guilt, language learners. I know it’s easy to lose sight of this, but what you’re doing is really impressive. You are showing up, however you’re showing up, when there are so many people in the world making excuses or who never quite get round to getting started. Every mistake you make is a sign that you’re trying, when you could be playing it safe in your comfort zone. Every time you procrastinate but then get to work, you still got down to work. So give yourself credit.

Have a wonderful day, and I will see you tomorrow, for the last episode of the season!