S4E7: Why our own work makes our skin crawl

Full transcript:

Good morning, happy Tuesday, and welcome to the LCP, the daily dose of language courage for people who love languages, and those who really don’t, but have to learn one anyway. And today is just a quick reminder for anyone who needs it, that just because you hate your own work, it doesn’t mean your work is bad.

There’s a reason why so many authors have to wait such a long time between finishing their draft, and self-editing their copy, and it isn’t just a practical one. There’s a reason why bloggers might send out their blog post, with so many things in mind that they don’t like but can’t put their finger on and don’t really know how to fix, only to come back two years later and be so impressed by what Past Them wrote.

What is it about what we create that makes our skin crawl?

It’s not the work. I think we’re just weirded out by Us-Ness. 

When we do something for the first time, we’re often really impressed with ourselves. People who follow those guided art classes and they take a step back and they look at their canvas and they’re like “WOW, I did that?!” Because they’ve never met that version of you before. It’s really exciting to discover a facet of yourself that you never even knew was there.

But what happens when it’s not the first time? What happens when it’s something you work on, day in, day out, for months or years? The language, the blog posts, the assignments?

The element of surprise is gone. That new facet of you has now become like a flatmate who’s around all the time… you know them very well. Too well. The good and the bad. And all you can see is all the you-ness in what you created. All you can do is roll your eyes at the habits, the verbal or creative crutches you have, the things you do every single time, your go-to phrases and scenes and scenarios. The French you write really looks like your French. Your Korean handwriting looks like your handwriting. And the mere presence of that you-ness, well, it just makes it look icky to you somehow.

And you think, if I could just make this look less like me, it would be better.

But you don’t need to change anything, language learners. Of course keep learning skills, keep broadening your horizons, but don’t be too surprised if it doesn’t oust that uncomfortable feeling. Because when you pin your hopes on learning as a solution, you’re imagining a more vibrant and better Future You, but once you get there, she’ll be the one creating the stuff drenched in You-ness.

So, just give it time. When a few months have elapsed, the Past You who created it will seem interesting and exotic again, and you’ll be able to look at that work with a much more forgiving lens.

And in the moment, I don’t know how to make that icky feeling go away, but I just wanted to say that if this is you today, it is normal, so many of us experience it, and it is very seldom a reflection on the work itself. So keep creating, keep putting yourself out there, and don’t let it stop you expressing yourself because whether you’re talking or writing, whether you’re doing it in a foreign language, or a novel, or a series of videos, the world needs your voice. 

Have a wonderful day, and I will see you tomorrow.