S5E14: Three essential phrases for self-compassion

Full transcript:

Good morning, happy Thursday and welcome to the LCP, the daily dose of language courage for those who love languages and those who really don’t, but have to learn one anyway. And today, I just wanted to send a quick reminder that showing yourself some understanding when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or confused can go a long way, and to give you some easy to remember phrases to make that process automatic.

Because so often, when things aren’t going the way I think they should be with work or productivity, or I’m not getting the results I want out of the work I’m doing, I have no creative energy left and I’m just feeling blocked, my first instinct for the longest time has been to treat myself with great suspicion.

To ask myself, and not very patiently, why I’m making excuses or procrastinating. To treat it like misbehaviour, or tell myself off like a child who isn’t following instructions, rather than listening to my body or my brain’s protestations.

To remind myself that I’m standing in my own way and that none of my goals will come to fruition if I don’t do the thing I said I was going to do.

And to dismiss what it’s saying: “You can’t be tired, you slept fine last night, let’s go!”

I know we aren’t robots. I know we’re human and we’re supposed to have up days and down days and I know that our best can’t possibly look the same every day.

But there’s always that voice that says “well yeah, that’s people, but you… you need to do better.”

And if this is you too, I just wanted to provide a bit of a framework for doing things more compassionately with three sentence starters. Because what’s amazing about our brains are, when you start with phrases that allow yourself to feel tired, drained or resistant, they’ll jump at the opportunity to problem solve and automatically, very naturally fill in the gap with some very sensible reasons why you feel the way that you do.

It makes sense that you

It makes sense that you’re tired. You woke up so many times last night from people shouting in the street

It makes sense that you can’t concentrate well today. You did a lot of really heavy brain work yesterday.

Of course you

Of course you’re finding this grammar construction confusing. We have nothing like it in English.

Of course you’re getting frustrated. You have been working on this for ages, you haven’t had a drink since breakfast and you need a break.

No wonder you

No wonder you’re making more mistakes today. You’re talking about a topic that hasn’t come up for months.

No wonder you’re making silly mistakes today, you’re tired and you have a dozen other things to think about.

It’s not letting yourself make excuses. It’s not about letting yourself off the hook. But it is about acknowledging what’s going on in your life, in your body, and in your language learning process rather than just expecting yourself to smash through any walls that spring up and carry on as though they were never there.

Never forget, language learners, you are doing hard things. You aren’t making a fuss for the sake of it. Being tired, being frustrated, feeling ill or feeling any kind of mental resistance at all, it’s not a reflection of your work ethic or your potential for success, those feelings are just guides for what you need right now. So let yourself listen when something doesn’t feel right. You’re not lazy, you’re not looking for excuses, and there will be days that feel easier than this one. So gently on yourselves.

Best of luck today, language learners. Have a wonderful day, and I will see you tomorrow.