S4E37: Are you forcing yourself or encouraging yourself?
Full transcript:
Good morning and welcome to the Language Confidence Project, the only daily podcast to cheer you on in your language learning and offer tips, tricks and encouragement for making this journey your own. And today, I just want to ask you a quick question. Are you encouraging yourself, or are you forcing yourself?
Because I know what it’s like when you have something that you need to do, you have a deadline looming, you’re preparing for something important or you’re just really anxious to be making progress in your new language but your brain just is not having any of it. You’re distracted, you’re coming up with all sorts of things you’d rather be doing, you’re going down rabbit holes that would never normally hold your attention but right now, you are gripped by whatever it is simply because it’s not what you’re meant to be doing. It’s so frustrating.
But what are you doing when that happens? Are you getting angry with yourself? Are you calling yourself names or reminding yourself of all the other times you wasted time or procrastinated? Are you Going onto social media to find some highly successful people to shame you into doing the things you’re meant to do? Are you threatening yourself or bargaining with yourself by angrily saying that you can’t do certain things or have certain things that you like until it’s done?
Because language learners, there is such a fine line between inspiring yourself with inspiring people, and punishing yourself with self-comparison. There’s such a fine line between incentivising yourself to do things by giving yourself a reward at the end, and taking away all the things that bring you joy or keep you feeling safe, as a punishment for not doing the thing. A reward at the end makes you excited to get to the end. Taking away your safety net in the present makes you hate the present so you want to get out of it, it makes it uncomfortable, it makes it feel all rough and harsh and that’s not the environment for good study or creative flow.
So when our brains refuse to work, and we have something urgent coming up, what are we meant to do? How do we encourage ourselves compassionately to do the thing rather than try to use force?
We break up that task into the smallest possible steps, so that the next step we have to complete is so small, so manageable, that it seems absurd to say no. It might be something like “write the title” or “get your book out of your bag”. So small. And then the next one. And then the next one. We give ourselves a reward at the end that we can’t say no to. Whatever that might be for you, but it doesn’t need to cost money, it doesn’t need to take a lot of time, and it needs to be something you will definitely stick to and reward yourself with at the end.. And tiny rewards along the way, again, nothing that’s going to take a long time or take you away from your mission for too long, not a three hour movie in the middle of the day, but things like allowing yourself to listen to one song, theatrical ticks work for me as I tick things off my to do list, I find it so satisfying, and most importantly, the whole time, you’re coaching yourself through the process. You’re speaking to yourself patiently, you’re making yourself laugh, you’re praising your efforts. There’s no sarcasm. There’s no “you always do x y z”, and there’s no dragging up the past or making threats. Because this is difficult, and you don’t deserve that.
We all have days where our brains won’t engage and sometimes they come at the worst times. But this isn’t a disaster, language learners, and you still deserve so much patience and so much kindness. So be that for yourself today. Offer that to yourself today.
And just a reminder, The LCP Monday co-studying and co-creating space for Patreon supporters is opening the first Monday of July! Having people around you while you work is a fantastic way to dive into the stuff that’s new or daunting, or maybe that you want a bit more accountability for, to ringfence dedicated time for your studies and projects every week where you know you can’t get distracted with other things, and I love the feeling of community it brings, and I’m so looking forward to it.So if you would like to join me and other members of the Language Confidence Project every Monday on Zoom, for three hours in the morning New York time, afternoon UK or Central European time, check out my Patreon and look for Out of the Fog. I hope to see you there!